She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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