just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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