Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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