This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
