Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
