So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Text me some of your sweat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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