this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
