We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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