She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
