just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Even my vagina gasped.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
