: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
