I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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