That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
