I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
