I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
