Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
