I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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