:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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