Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
