There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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