entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
