He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
