p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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