matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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