Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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