Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Less talking, more tequila
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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