i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
