Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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