ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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