do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
