That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
