my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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