Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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