Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
