Im at strip club and am horny
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
