I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
