im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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