Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.