Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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