I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked