i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.