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Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The chlamydia really affected his face.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Randomize
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