she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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