I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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