how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
