shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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