Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
