Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
