On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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