But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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