Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
