If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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