low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
