I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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