the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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