i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
