4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
