Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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