When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize