Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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