i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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