CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
