if you like me you must not know who I am
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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