I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
