well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
