so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
