so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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