I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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