I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
