Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Enjoy the penises
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
