Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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