He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
