I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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