I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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